Managing kindness

Two weeks ago, an exhausted spouse looked over at me from behind her Mac, and said “do you realize that we have had people over, or been out to dinner for 21 straight nights?” That pace would have continued unabated, thanks to a life that has been enriched by many friends from church, work, neighborhoods et al. These dear friends have rushed to console and support us, for which we truly feel blessed.

Problem is, we’re both exhausted. I’m not sure that I ever went 21 nights in a row, even in my twenties. And the problem is definitely not our friends and neighbors, who are only trying to help. The problem is me, and the trouble I have saying the word “no.”

And I should know better – I’m definitely not in my 20s anymore, and my stamina has been steadily declining as the cancer progresses. Even with a long afternoon nap, Linda has often had to struggle to drag me and my fatigued, non-working left side out of restaurants and into the car.

So, the new rule is, we consult on invitations – Linda is much busier than I, and, therefore, better at ‘no’ – and I’m trying to build respite time – for both Linda and me – into the calendar. True friends understand that we have to pace ourselves – and we don’t have to default to dinner – morning coffee or a PM drink work, too. This post is part of the Countdown category, aimed at, perhaps, helping those who may find themseves walking in my path…


About Chris Gulker

Chris Gulker, a self-described Infuential Blogger, lived in Menlo Park, California with spouse Linda. He passed away in late October 2010.
This entry was posted in All, My Brain, New Life, The countdown. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Managing kindness

  1. Anonymous says:

    It was a valiant effort. It sounds like what the 5 women in Silicon Valley must go through, being asked out every day.

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